I Wish I Was Wayne Dyer

I wish I was Wayne Dyer all Zen about letting children find their own way.

Then maybe I would be able to resist sending my neighbors children to boot camp while they were not looking.

I wish I was Oprah able to talk about my bowel moments without fear of being asked for my senior’s card.

I wish I was Dr Phil okay I really don’t wish that!

I wish I was Suze Orman a money Goddess then maybe the Credit card company would be more inclined to take my calls and less inclined to act like money pimps.

I wish I was Marianne Williamson all let go and let God. Than maybe I fabiosa.com would be less inclined to wish an eternal power outage on the man who crashed into me while texting on his blackberry.

I wish I was James Van Praag all Ghost whisperer take me to your leader E.T like. Then maybe I would be able to go down into the basement at night without needing moral support from my partner.

I wish I was Cesar Milan all dogs bow in my presence I am Dog backwards. Then maybe the ‘beast’ would not rip my fingers out of their sockets when we walked and the words ‘they eat dogs in China’ would never need to be uttered again.

I wish I was Deepak Chopra only because his name sounds really cool and spiritual like.

I wish I was Byron Katie then instead of actually going to ‘work’ I could go around all day telling people to do the ‘work’ which in fact would ‘work’ for me.

I wish I could cook 30 minute meals like Rachael Ray and be able to talk, chop and braise without cutting my finger off.

I sometimes wish things were different, times weren’t as hard, people were nicer to each other.

But my God I am so glad I am me, as dysfunctional, imperfect and irrational as I am. I am so glad I have a God given opportunity to a one of a kind walking miracle of divine creation. Imperfections are character in the making, mistakes creations waiting to be born, and no one does me better than me.

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